Giving our children the talk

Have you ever had “the talk” with your pre-teen or teenage son?

No, not that kind of talk.

The talk that involves his safety and the safety of others?

Did you ever tell a son, a brother, or nephew to never use the words “blow up”, “kill”, “shoot”, “die”, “ticking bomb” and any other violent or stereotypical language?

Did you tell him that though those words above are used by other teen boys to express their state of stress or anger, that they can’t use them?

Because when they use these words, they may be judged or deemed a threat?

Then did you dig deeper?

Tell them that Islam is a religion of peace? And that we say “Salam” to bring glad tidings to each other and spread the love? Given them, the example of the Prophet (SAW)’s ill-treatment in Taif is a lesson for us to remain patient and answer ignorance with tolerance?

Did they ever turn to you, with eyes like wells filled with tears, and tell you about a boy calling them a racist or derogatory term? Or that his decision to grow his beard has been met with stares and scoffs? Did he tell you how much it hurt when his teacher insinuated that his religion was unwelcome here? Or that someone showed him hate-filled videos and laughed hilariously because it was a “comedy”?

Have you told your son to speak up respectfully? That it’s okay to let an educator know that their language was hurtful? To be assertive but gentle? To speak up for injustice with humbleness?

Have you looked at your boy, your son, and thought about the invisible bag he carries? Of being judged for his faith? Judged for the observant family he belongs to? Judged for his language and clothing?

See your son. And know that he carries a great duty to be responsible and aware. Respectful and kind. Forgiving and gentle. Assertive and influential. To be a Muslim undeniably and unapologetically.

If you haven’t yet, talk to him. And if you have, keep on talking. They need us to reaffirm them and educate them. Education is not just taught in classrooms behind desks. Education is ilm. And ilm is a fundamental part of faith. Give them the tools to cope with hardships and hate. Let them know that their faith is not a burden but a legacy they were chosen to carry forth – like the heroes before them and with them.

Sons are born from the wombs of women. To be guided and nurtured. For a mother’s lap is not only the first school, it continues to be the most important.

Hajra Ansari-Siddiqui